I often hear people say, "What do you want the future to look like?".
Who do you want to be when you grow up?
When I win the lottery, I will.....
When I lose weight.... When I find the man of my dreams....
What are your goals?
What are you going to accomplish?
Goals are all good and I believe they have a place. But we live in a world where only the future seems to matter. There are many books, podcasts, websites and businesses based on convincing people that they can have the future they desire. We are consumed with looking a certain way, driving a certain car, having the perfect house, perfect family, Pinterest wedding, vacations to Hawaii.....the list goes on. So we work towards an ideal for the future without questioning if its right for us. We have to be successful so we work towards a job that we think will gain us the successes we desire in the future. We work on our yard so that someday it will be perfect. "Once I get married and have kids and have the perfect house, I will be happy." We are constantly making plans so that our future will be bright and we will finally have arrived. The problem with this pattern is that it never seems to be enough. We get the hair we want, only to realise its not making us happy so we move on to something better. We get the dream job but can't seem to feel the completion we thought it would bring us. We work so hard for the "perfect body" to find out that having the perfect body is fleeting and not the basis for true satisfaction. We focus so much on the future and having all of the things we desire that we forget about the present. We don't see the beauty in simple things and we don't realise all of the amazing things that we already have available to us.
This past weekend I attended a wedding. Two beautiful women who found each other in this crazy world, standing up to tell the world that they have found their soul mates. It was such a beautiful day. I was filled with so much gratitude for everything from the friendships I had there, the setting, the ceremony, the laughs, to having the love of my life to share it with. Weddings are the perfect setting to be in the moment. The bride and groom (or in this case, the bride and bride) are so wrapped up in their love for each other that nothing else seems to matter. Everyone is so focused on soaking up the love that the couple have to share that little things get pushed aside. The little moments are what matter on that day and they are plentiful. Everything is beautiful and shared. There is a sense of inclusiveness that is found nowhere else. It was an uplifting and beautiful day. I spent the entire day in the moment. I didn't think about tomorrow, I didn't worry about the future, I didn't worry that I wasn't good enough in the world. What a world I would live in if every day was as profound.
I grew up in a house where everyone else's needs were put first. Now that I have been freed, I have given myself permission to put me first, in all aspects of my life. I don't even know what that will look like. Don't get me wrong, I will still care for my family, but I will do it in a way that feels right for me, 100%. As I begin to think about it, I realised that I don't even know what I want to do from here on out. But I do know one thing for sure. Its not about what the future will look like. I want to figure out what my life should feel like. I need to figure out how I want to fill my soul and how I can hang on to that feeling, every day. I need to be present and make choices that reflect how I want to feel, not how it will get me ahead in life. I can't guarantee that this life will bring riches or luxury. I can guarantee that at the end of the day I will be happy with my life, whatever it turns out to be.