The Happiness Project.

       A friend of mine lent me this book, The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. Three of us are reading it together as part of a mini book club. I was intrigued. Who doesn't want to be happier? I grew up in an unstable home with the thought that happiness was unattainable for us. I see it much more clearly now that I look back as an adult. My life was always lived focusing on the negative, what could go wrong will, we could never get what "they" have, and so on. I spent most of my teenage years in a cloud of depression and uncertainty. I have recently faced my demons from my past. After going no contact with my toxic parents, memories of abuse and neglect came rushing back in broken pieces. Fragments of a life I had tucked away as a child, now being played in my mind like a movie I couldn't turn off. It was the hardest thing I have ever gone through, and I know that it's a life long process of self discovery that will heal these wounds. One thing it has made me realize is that all these fears I have about not being able to be successful, valued and happy are learned. They are not real and can be overcome. I work on it everyday. It takes time and patience, and a whole lot of effort. Like everything else, you can't just let time pass and hope it works itself out. You have to work at it, everyday. 

       I have everything I ever thought I wanted. I am married to a wonderful man, we have a home that we built together, I have two beautiful healthy boys, and a job I love. I also have my health, friends that I can count on and I do all the things that experts say will make you happy, like exercising and eating right. So why aren't I?? Don't get me wrong, I have happy days and do things that make me happy on a regular basis. But if you were to ask me on a regular day at any given time, "Are you happy?" I would probably say no. I am too busy being overwhelmed with grocery lists and meal plans, laundry, kids schedules, cleaning the desk that has been swallowed with paperwork for as long as we owned it...the list goes on. So when my friend told me about this book, I said YES PLEASE! after only hearing the title. 

       The main thing I took away from the first couple of chapters, was that clutter can make you unhappy. And it makes total sense! She lists so many different kinds of clutter, like bargain clutter, sentimental clutter and brain clutter. I had not realized how much my life had been consumed with clutter. So for this month I am setting to work. I am going to de-clutter my life. I started with the bathrooms. I literally dumped out every drawer and only put back what I use. I filled a large garbage bag with garbage and filled another one for the thrift store. It felt so amazing! Now every time I walk into the bathroom I smile and am comforted by the fact that the drawers are clean and if I were to open the cupboard, the toilet paper and towels would stay in there and I would be able to close it again after getting what I needed. Day by day I will continue with this insurmountable task until it is done. I feel happy just thinking about it!