Apple Inc. makes me angry.

You want to know what I wish for this Christmas? I wish for quality, people to actually care about the products they make and sell, a world where you can buy something and it stand the test of time. Is that too much to ask?

This time last year, I bought an iPhone. Yes, I foolishly jumped on the bandwagon, paid my $650 and was on my way. With my two year cell contract I knew this new phone, the one that everyone is talking about, will last at least that long. People were talking about this phone like it was the best thing since sliced bread... and it was. I was able to download apps that helped me with meal plans and my kids could play games. (thus keeping them out of my hair) I could go out for dinner with friends, post the pictures of us being silly, check my e-mail, get business orders, and get the crazy call from my husband who couldn't find Austin's blankie... all at the same time. This is why I bought it. The simplicity of being able to rent a movie on the way home, and figure out what workout plan I would be doing that night from the push of a button. I bought into the idea that the iPhone was all I ever needed. All I could possibly want in life.

Let's fast forward to today. Did you know that in the last quarter, Apple Inc. sold 33.8 million iPhones. Let that sink in for a minute. Their net profit was $7.5 billion.... BILLION.

So here is little old me, a small town business owner, a mother, and a wife. A few weeks ago my glorious iPhone stopped working properly. In fact, the WIFI stopped working all together. The whole reason for the iPhone even existing in my books. I took it into the store where I got it from and they advised me that it was simply an operating system issue. Silly me didn't have the time to download the new software, and my finicky iPhone did not like that. So I went on my way. I didn't end up getting to it for over a week. Keep in mind, I have two small children, a business to run, a charity event for 200 people to pull off, and non-profit workout boot camp to run and ya know, showering and stuff. When I finally got to it, it turns out my WIFI still does not work. I took it in again. This time, I am told that it's not a software problem, "Your phone is toast." Um, OK... now what? Turns out I have to send it in to Apple for a replacement phone. And since your warranty expired a few days ago, it will cost you $199. <Insert minor freak out here!> There was nothing they could do for me.

Today I called Apple Inc. Surely they would be able to help me resolve this ridiculous issue. With me just starting a business, my husband just getting back to work after being off work for three months, and Christmas coming up, I just don't have $199 laying around. So I called then with the hope that they would be able to fix my beloved iPhone or at least give me a break on the $199.

First off, a company that has a quarterly net profit of $7.5 billion, should be able to hire a person who can clearly understand English. I am not a racist person, but I literally had to spell out everything, and say everything twice. It was painful for me to have to spell my name three times, then hear him try and say it....Rachel. Easy. I spent one hour on the phone with this man, trying to explain my situation. He finally had to get the manager on the phone. After explaining again to him, he said "Oh, no that's not good." I asked him if there was anything he could do and his response was, "You really should have gotten the extended warranty." Are you kidding me?! You can't sell a product that will last for more than one year?! I paid $650 for this phone. That's a mortgage payment! And now you want me to spend another $199 to get it to work? (Why don't you bend me over and spank my ass while you are at it!) You probably want to sell me the "extended warranty" too I bet. I'm sure this new phone/refurbished phone does not come with a warranty. I proceeded to tell this man that I could not afford that, and I am so upset by this outcome that I will never be buying another Apple product. I will not buy my two kids iPhones or iPads, I will no longer be spending money on Apps, or iTunes songs, movie rentals or eBooks, and my husband will sure as hell no be buying an iPhone. And when my business grows and I need to expand, I will not be buying Apple computers. And I sure as hell won't be telling my friends to buy into the iPhone ideal. I understand that times are tough, and $7.5 billion in sales (for the past QUARTER) is not that much. I also understand that losing me as a customer is not that big of a deal. The money I would have spent over my lifetime as an Apple customer is just a drop in the bucket. But I am sure I am not the only customer who feels violated by this company.

I know things are not going to change overnight. But I have hope that one day, people will care about the products they sell, and the customers they have. Cheers Apple, Happy F-ing Holidays!  

Family

I don't normally get too worked up or stressed out. I try not to sweat the small stuff and I usually just let it go. I don't hold on to grudges and I am willing to forgive and forget. And if I can't work something out, I write about it and forget it. This time, I don't even know where to start....

Someone close to me has betrayed me. A betrayal that is unforgivable and has been haunting me. It's not at all like me to cut ties with someone, but when you threaten my family, I will not get over that. A lifetime of questions have arrised, I wonder what I missed or am yet to find out. It has been eating me alive. I don't know what is bothering me more, the deed that has already been done or the imminent fallout to come. At first, I was raging mad, then I was angry, indifferent, sad, and guilty. Now I can't sleep, and when I do, I dream about it. The stress is coming out in physical ways, like a cold, pulled muscle and a pinch in my shoulder. I think it's time I learn to meditate!

If someone you knew made you feel like this, would you keep them in your life? I feel the need to protect my kids and my husband. If that means forgoing one relationship, I will. People have told me that I have to find a way to live peacefully with this person. Why? Life is too short, and I know that more than anyone. My men are the most important thing to me. But not only that, what about my sanity... Do I want to spend the rest of my life walking on eggshells, worrying about they might do, or what they are telling my kids?  Why do I need to swallow it down and move on?

And the answer is, I don't. I did not make the bad decisions that resulted in this outcome. It will take me a while to get over it, and in fact I may never get over it. But one day I will be glad I made this decision. My husband is the best person for me. He will always be on my side, protect me and love me...unconditionally. And the same goes for my two boys. They are all I need in this world. <3

A mothers frustration

When I decided to have kids, I didn't really think about it. I didn't think about loosing out on all that sleep, or how my body would be forever changed, or how my brain would be re-wired. All of these things were a rude awakening for me. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for every dead-tired, loud and messy moment. My kids are a beautifully perfect version of my husband and I.  I have had to learn to be a better person, to have more patience, and know that it's not about me any more. There are a lot of things that are different. But I think the hardest reality for me (and most mom's out there) is most people's expectation that they have carte blanche when it comes to giving you advise on how to raise your kids.

I am not perfect, and I will be the first one to tell you that. I struggle with life in general all the time. I hate it when I yell at my kids. But we all do it. I feel enough guilt for ten people, you don't need to add to it, thanks. I try hard to make the right choices for my family, and they are MY choices. Whether they are right or wrong, they are the choices that I have to live with. I am so tired of women judging other women, especially mom's. Mom's have the hardest job on the planet. We carry the weight of the world, we have bad days. Get over it! I am tired to people telling me how I should act, how I should discipline my child, how I should not let my kids have fun.


I understand that some people will see me at my worst moment and be compelled to judge me. But that is one moment. One moment out of the millions I will spend with my family. So if you feel so bothered my actions as a mother, keep it to yourself. And know this; I love my boys more than life itself. They mean the world to me. I am so thankful for their twenty little toes, their amazing personalities and their love. I am their guardian and protector. So next time you see a woman yelling at her kids to get in the car, or talking to them in a tone that doesn't agree with you, remember this: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all."

Confessions

Confessions. Sometimes it just feels good. I also like to do it because I know there are others out there who have done the same things. It's nice not to feel alone.

Here they are in no particular order:

• I once ate my child's entire advent calendar...before I even gave it to him.
• I ate a whole large pizza to myself.
• I will google a word probably three times a day, and will sometimes change my entire sentence to avoid a word I can't spell.
• I love the smell of arm pits. Especially a man's after a hard days work. 
• I also love the smell of cute little baby feet. (I know, I am totally weird)
• I sneak into my kids room at night just to look at how big they are getting.
• I want more babies, but I am scared that if I do, I wont be a good enough mom to them all. 
• I wish I was cooler and had a better sense of style.
• It bothers me that certain people in my life don't support me. They won't even read this...
• I have a secret desire to be pulled over by a cop and try to talk myself out of a ticket.
• When I lay in bed, sometimes I like to hold my hand on my boob...I don't know why.
• I never worry about what people think of me, but sometimes I think I should.
• I wish I could say what I really feel sometimes....
• I like to eat ice cream in the tub.
• Sometimes my son will act to much like me, that it makes me mad at him.
• I wish I would have gone to school to be a fashion designer.
• I once made a whole tray of puffed wheat squares and hid it in my underwear drawer... Ate it within a day. 
• I have wanted breast implants ever since high school.
• I kissed a girl and I liked it.
• I don't drink. But sometimes I think I should!
• I wish I was more of a perfectionist.
• I once got so high that I feel off my chair at the dinner table...after eating the topping off an ice cream cake. I was 18.
• I think I am sexier than I actually am.
• I am so terrible at math.
• I think my husband is sexy, even in his blue long johns with white socks pulled over them.
• I had to google "long johns"
• I never got over my sister moving out. I miss her a lot. 
• It's been 13 years since my dog died. I want another one, but I still don't think I'm ready. I miss him.
• I cherish my friends. They get me through, and keep me going. 
• The Booty Camp Girls saved my life, gave me purpose and keep me fit. I owe them everything.
• I have had to bury cupcakes in the garbage, under something gross, so I won't go back and dig them out.  
• I also had to google "gross".

Secrets to a happy life.

When I look back at photos of the last two years it still amazes me that life can be this great. I was not always blessed with such awesomeness. I remember many moments thinking 'This CANNOT be what life is about!!' I have been through struggles and heartache, loss and turmoil. But over the past few years I really think I have discovered some secrets to a happy life. So I am here to share them with you!

Secret number one:
You need to remove some words from your vocabulary:

*Perfect: There is no such thing! So why should you worry about it? Either remove it, or change its meaning. Perfect is what you make it... not anyone else!

*Spotless: I hate this word! I don't even know what it means anymore. I was never a very organized person when it comes to my home, and after I had my first child...forget it! Clean-ish is the best you are going to get.

*Can't: A lot of people don't believe they can do things. I believe I can do anything. And that might make me sound crazy, and make me do crazy things, but I love that I can look back with no regrets. That makes me happy!

*Ready: Some people spend their whole life getting ready for something. You may never be "ready" for it...whatever it is, just do it! Don't worry about how, when or where. The more you take leaps without worrying about the consequences, the more fun you will have.

Secret number two:
 STOP giving a tiny mouse shit about what anyone thinks of you and what you do! Be your own rockstar! You want to sing, do it! Scream as loud as you can. You want to dance, write a book, be an astronaut, dance in a burlesque show....Do whatever it is that is going to make you happy and don't care about what anyone says about it. There will ALWAYS be people who don't support you, and there will ALWAYS be people who DO! Find those people and thank them.

Secret number three:
Remember that life is so very short. Spend time with the people who care about you, love you and respect you. When you are old and grey, you are NOT going to thankful that you bought your kids i-pads. The things that matter most in life, aren't things at all. I had the privilege of spending the past month with my husband while he took some time off. This past month meant more to me than a new TV, dinners out, or the latest laptop. And I can guarantee that my kids will agree. Stop running around like a chicken with your head cut off and stop running yourself ragged.

It's that simple.

Heart thinker

I am a heart thinker! Loud and proud. I never think about numbers, I don't bother myself with what if's or how's, and true to my astrological sign, I am impulsive and stubborn. Sometimes it gets me into trouble, but more often than not, the outcome is exactly where I want to be.

A few months ago I decided (another impulsive, rock me to my core in the middle of the night) that I was going to purge my crafting emporium and build a commercial kitchen and bake birthday/wedding cakes and cupcakes. I didn't think of how, the cost, the time, or anything. I just knew that I had to do it. When I had my launch on Sunday for family and friends, I knew it was what I was meant to do. I finally feel like I have a career, a purpose.

Today is my husbands last day at his job. He quit his job after eight years to follow his own heart. I am more proud of him today than I have ever been. As I sit here alone in this house, it is occurring to me more and more that today is the last day of steady income. Today we get to follow dreams and be more alive than we have ever been. The only choice I have today is to think about the good, the grand outcome. If I worry about the grocery money, the loan payments, or the hydro bill, that will get me nowhere. I have to think about the amazing thing we are doing. Getting to spend more time together will outweigh all of that. Yes, I am scared....terrified. But I can't let that get me down. Today I will focus on what I love to do, and know that that is enough and the money will follow.

So tomorrow morning when we wake up and have breakfast as a family on a Wednesday for the first time ever, I will focus on one moment at a time. One cake at a time, I will make it. I believe that all you need to be successful, is you. I won't let fear ride shotgun today.

It has finally happened!

Holy Shit, it has finally happened!! This morning I stepped on the scale, much like every other morning for the past two weeks. This is NOT common practice at my house. I usually am leaning more towards the idea that scales are only meant for weighting babies and that all household scales in a house without babies should be set on fire, thrown out the window or both.

Let me give you some background information. In high school I was thin, and I didn't even have to work at it. It wasn't until just after high school, when I discovered the glory of a quick and easy fast food meal. By this time I was making my own money and could spend it on whatever I wanted....like CHEESEBURGERS!! I quickly went from 155lbs to 200lbs. My parents commented on my weight, but I was oblivious. I knew I was fitting into bigger clothes, but it wasn't until I was in a Walmart one summer that I noticed there was a problem.  Someone asked my when I was "due" and it was at that moment I decided to change.

I worked my ass off and lost the weight, and kept it off....for a while. I am pretty sure you can chart my weight gain to the level of douche bag of the guy I was dating at the time. Again I ballooned to 200lbs. Truth be told, I stopped weighing myself at 200. I knew I was overweight, I knew I should do something about it, but I didn't really care at the time. I was spending my days working, then going to the pub for beer and chicken wings five nights a week. Why would anyone want to change that?!

Then something inside me "clicked" again. Something had to change. My relationship was going from bad to worse, and if I wanted any hope of ever dating again, I had to lose weight. So I signed up for a gym membership, personal trainer, personalized meal plan, the whole nine yards. It was during those six months that I really discovered what I was capable of. Me, little old me, was capable of lifting weights, becoming strong, and actually seeing muscle form somewhere in the layers of fat. I credit Charlene SanJenko and Ben Smith for finding something in me that I never knew I had. (http://www.ibuildstrongwomen.com) I lost all the weight and was down to 169lbs. And a lot of that was muscle! I kept the weight off for a long time too....

Fast forward to 2007. It was July and I was sitting in the bathroom at work, staring at the two pink lines. We had been trying, but it was still a shock. I, was pregnant. Now if any of you have been pregnant, you know. Something unearthly happens to your body. You get crazy cravings, you eat a lot of chocolate, and are about half as active as you once were. At least that was true for me. After I had my son in 2008, exercise was the last thing on my mind. I went back to work within 4 weeks, I had a business to run and a new born. The extent of my exercise was walking to and from my car. I didn't lose much of the baby weight, and in May of 2009, I found out I was pregnant again. After my second son was born, I found myself hanging out around the 200lbs mark.

In the spring of 2012, I began working out. My friend Michelle and I started working out together twice a week. We stuck to it, and are still doing it today! In the year that we were working out, lifting weights AND running, I lost a total of ZERO pounds. My shaped changed a lot and I was happy with the changes. I went from a size 16 to a size 10/12.

My goal was to get back down to pre-baby weight, 169lbs. And for the last two weeks, my scale has been taunting me! 173lbs, 172lbs, 171.5lbs, 170.7lbs......So this morning when I stepped on the scale, half expecting it to start laughing at me, it read 169.7lbs! I know that weight doesn't really matter, and I will be the first person to tell you that. But seeing that number, after all the blood, sweat and tears, seemed to make it all worth it. I reached my goal! Now I feel more motivated than ever. I need to find new goals, and that's exciting!! The possibilities are endless!!