S#!t my family says.

I have two little boys (and one big boy) that live in this house. I often feel outnumbered amidst the swirls of poop talk, smelly farts, and general rowdy behaviour. There are many times that I will just shake my head and walk away. My boys have a way with words to say the least. So here is a list of random things that have come out of the mouths of my sweet 4 and 6 year old boys.

• "This is a high pedestrian zone!" Levi yelled at me because he felt I was going too fast....in the driveway.
• "I'm parched."
• "Whoa! Naked Woman, put on a boob cover." From my 6 year old as I had just gotten out of bed at 6am.
• "I like my collar up, it makes me look handsome." Both of my boys have said a variation of this.
• "I am starving! Like a cow wanting to be milked." Not sure about that one... Thanks Austin.
• "Mom, I know why your tummy hurts." 
• Me: "Why?"
• "Because you are making a baby!"
• Me: (laughing) "Um no."
• "But then why is your belly so squishy?".... and there goes my self-esteem. Someone bring me chocolate!
• "You look sexy!" Self-esteem somewhat restored. 
• "Can I have a tutu? It's really more like a fancy belt. Boys are allowed those."
• "Does peanut butter come from bears?" Austin figured it must, since there is a bear on the container.
• "You know I am not in the mood for this!" Levi was mad about me trying to talk to him about how wrong it was to hit his brother.
• "It's all com-apart-able." 
• "I'm black toast intolerant." They are also lactose intolerant. 
• "You can't eat flowers. But worms are ok, right mom?"
• "Mom, the volcano poops are coming!"
• "My skin is bubble vaporizing." It was a really hot day and he was worried that he had a sun burn.
• "MOM! Smell my body."
• "I don't want the lemonade you fool!"
• "Girls love flowers. Put a pretty flower on anything and the girls will love it."  

I have saved the best for last. The other day, Levi came out of my bathroom with one of my tampons. He had unwrapped it and was "testing it".

"Mom! These are so awesome! What a great design! Do you see how the sponge part gets pushed out? You could use this for so many things?! I would like to know who invented them!"

A couple days later he was in my bathroom with a cut on his foot. The perfect opportunity to use one of these amazing inventions! Now I have to hide them.

Canning 101!

It's that time of year again! Fresh garden fruits and veggies and being processed and canned for the winter. I love, love this time of year!! The leaves are falling and the cool air brings the promise of wool socks, schedules, roasted veggies and the crackle of the wood fireplace. I have been canning for the past 7 years. Not because I love it, but I love that I can support a local farm and provide fresh fruit/veggies for my family throughout the winter. Call me crazy, but I like knowing where my food comes from and what is in it! Plus it's a lot cheaper than buying it in the store. Plus I have always been one to prepare and nest. A lot of people have asked me how to can, and even though I always welcome the help and someone to talk to, it doesn't always work out that way. So here is a little bit of how I can, step by step, and a few tried and true recipes. This may not be the best way, but this is how I was taught.

First of all, I have to say thank you to my friend Karla and her store, The Seasoned Kitchen. (http://www.theseasonedkitchen.ca/) She urged me to get a knife sharpener and am I ever thankful that she did! I could not imagine slicing 20lbs of tomatoes with a dull knife!

I use a pressure cooker for all my canning. I do this because that is how I was taught. I believe it's faster....even faster with two of them. So here is what you need to start:

• A shallow baking dish. 
• A pressure cooker
• Kettle
• A small pot
• Tongs
• A can lifter. (My technical term of course)
• Silicone oven mitts! ( I use silicone because you can get them wet and the steam wont burn you through the mitt)
• Jars with lids
• A canning funnel
• Sharp knives!
• Old towels 
• Whatever fruit, veggies, or fish you want to can! 

To get ready, I fill the baking dish with about an inch and a half of water, place it in a 200degree oven. This is where I put the washed jars while they wait to be filled. (After they are washed with soap and water.)

This is when I also fill the cooker with 3 litres of boiling water and lay out my towels, one for when they come out of the canner, and one for when I am filling the jars. Now you are ready! For this, I will show you how I made pickled jalapeños. (At the end I will post a couple other recipes.) 

You can slice the jalapeños however you want. Just make sure you do not touch your face, or anything else, while you are slicing and handling them. Wash your hands with soap and water when you are done. If you want them to be a little on the mild side, make sure you remove any seeds and white parts.  Next you are going to make the brine. I used this recipe and it was enough for 8-125ml jars.

• 2 cups white vinegar
• 2 cups water
• 2 TBSP salt
• Sliced garlic
• 1 TBSP honey

Mix everything in a pot and boil. Let simmer for 10 minutes. Once you have finished slicing, pack the jalapeños into the hot jars. 

Now is when you boil your lids before you put them on the jars. I boil mine for about 5 minutes. Fill the jars with your brine, leaving about a half inch from the top. Use a knife or chopstick to poke around the jar to get any air bubbles out. Be sure to wipe the rim of the jars before placing the lids on to make sure you get a good seal. Place the rings on, not overly tight. Now you are ready to place them in the pressure cooker! For mine, it takes a total of 20 minutes to process. 

Once they are done and the pressure is released from your cooker, they can be carefully removed. Place them on the towel and leave them to cool overnight before handling them. Then you can wash and store the jars.

This process is the same, whether you are doing salsa, peaches, pickles...whatever. Just the recipes change. 

Peaches:

For peaches, there are lot of recipes out there that say you have to make a syrup. I find this to be a waste of time. I always peel, pit and slice them, pack the jar full, put in a 1/4 cup of sugar per one pint jar, and fill with boiling water. (I use a butter knife in the jar when I pour the water in.) That is all. The peaches turn out amazing and fresh! You could also add brandy if you want. 

Salsa:

• 8 cups diced tomatoes (I used Roma)
• 2 1/2 cups diced green onion
• 1 1/2 cups diced green peppers
• 1 jalopeno 
• 6 cloves of garlic, diced
• 2 tsp cumin. I have also used 3 TBSP of Epicure's seasoning for Chipotle, Bacon and Cheddar dip. It adds a nice smoky flavour.  
• 2 tsp pepper
• 1/8 cup canning salt (Course salt)
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1/3 cup vinegar
• 1 can tomato sauce
• 2- 5.5oz cans of tomato paste.

Mix everything in a giant pot and bring to a boil. Let simmer for 10-15 minutes. Fill hot jars and process. 

Happy Canning!!!

Camping trip 2014

This years trip began like any other... me stressed to the hills, frantically cramming every last thing into the trailer, cooking meals, baking and decorating cakes at the last minute, and jumping into the truck at the very last second.  Toothbrush in hand, shirt on backwards and my hair still un-brushed from the night before, I made it with most of my sanity still intact.

We began our trek to Osoyoos in the 26 degree heat. (Thank god for air conditioning!) The kids, the dog, and even the mother-in-law were all well behaved along the way. A quick stop in Hope for dinner, the same restaurant every time, and we were back on the road. We arrived at Haynes Point Osoyoos at 8:30pm.....31 degrees. This was the real start to our holiday, and this is what we accomplished/learned along the way:

1) Even though I don't make sense sometimes, Arthur always listens and tries to make me happy.
2) Bring a bike to ride and your kids will be happy. They never get tired of that!
3) Arthur beat me at chess and won't have a rematch! (For fear that I will kick his ass, the last match was close)
4) Kids who are camping consider 5am to be sleeping in....I do NOT!
5) Big hugs with close family is always as good as you remember.
6) A jump in a warm lake will cure just about any case of the grumpies.
7) Since we had other kids to play with, I only saw my kids when they were hungry or injured.
8) Austin likes to hide his injuries. Like when he got a stick to the ass that went through his pants. There is still a little hole there.
9) I read an entire novel in just over 24hours.
10) I get extra warm and fuzzies from buying from a real farm. 100lbs of potatoes, practically straight out of the ground, from a third generation farm.
11) We also got peaches, apples, tomatoes, and onions from a 4th generation fruit stand.
12) I have a fuck ton of canning to do.
13) Our dog loves Arthur more than me. He slept with his head on his lap the entire trip.
14) I picked jalapeños from Arthur's cousins garden and it has inspired me to have my own garden next year.
15) I want to sell everything and move to a farm in Grand Forks! (But that will never happen. lol When Arthur built our house, he wanted to put in an elevator for when the day comes he is too old to walk up the stairs.)
16) Little boys who stay up late and wake up early are prone to grumpy moods....This is also true for husbands.
17) We took 5 trips to various grocery stores for food and stuff we either ran out of or completely forgot.
18) I am so thankful that Arthur is the weird man he is. He is the only man I know who will bring a generator and the coffee maker camping, so we can have fresh coffee every morning....and once at the ferry terminal in the rain on the way home.
19) My kids are growing up so fast! They hardly needed me on this trip, which was a good thing, but still sad.
20) Arthur and I should not be allowed into Costco! But I am thankful to have a full pantry and freezer....and Halloween costumes for the boys!
21) As much as I hate the ferry, Vancouver traffic, and trying to get home, I am always happy to get home. And since we came home a day early, I have a full day to drink coffee in my jammies, eat peaches to my hearts content, and soak up the cool, rainy, September air.

A lesson in fitness

When I first started working out, my goal was to get thinner. Now two years later, it is way beyond that. I work out to get strong, fast, healthy and to love my body. I find great pride and confidence in doing something that I could not do last year, last month, or even yesterday. Things like running a half marathon, dancing in a burlesque show, running in a sports bra, and today, running in shorts. I have had the privilege of watching friends blossom into self confident women. I have seen them say things like "I am not a runner." and then watching them leap over the finish line at their first half marathon. I have seen women run slow and never quit, and pushing themselves to run their first 10km. I have seen these women, who now proudly run in sports bras and shorts, never give up and always be proud of their body. So as their leader, I could not sit on the sidelines and not join the "shorts club".

Yesterday, I said screw it! I am going to be confident, I am going to run in shorts and be proud! So, I spent $50 on a pair of real running shorts. Light weight fabric, sleek and fancy. I was stressed about the price tag, but I figured if I was going to buy shorts, I should buy the right kind for the job. I would in fact get a ton of use out of them....

So here I was this morning, ready for my first run in my new shorts. Sports bra-check, music-check, drank lots of water and had a good breakfast-check, runners-check, good attitude-CHECK, new shorts-CHECK! Off I went with my running parter, Captain. (our faithful dog) At first, it felt so good. Running without a care that I was practically naked and people were driving and walking past. It was in fact a beautiful sunny day and there were lots of people about. I ran leaping strides as Captain and I ran down the hill to the main road. I had run about a quarter of the way, when something very uncomfortable started to happen. My shorts began to ride up the crotch. Now if you know me at all, or have seen me in the Boudoir Rouge show, you know that my thighs are on the larger side. (I am not complaining, I love every part of my weird body.) They began their very own cheering squad, clapping together as I ran. That, combined with them ridding up, started to get a little painful when they rubbed together. (Yes, this is embarrassing. lol) I thought if I ran faster it might help. So there I was running for my life. I don't know if it was out of fear so people driving by didn't have the chance to see me or it just felt so damn good to run fast. Maybe a combination. That didn't really work. By now I am just over half way through my run. I thought that maybe if I ran with a little wider stance that might work! Give the girls a little more room to move past each other without high fiving every time. I MUST have looked like an idiot. And all it did was mess up my form. It wasn't long before I had a strained calf muscle and a blister on each foot. By now there is only a little more left to go before the solace of home sweet home. I could hardly walk, and my poor dog had to drag me the last little bit. I pathetically hobbled home, picking blackberries along the way. I took my shoes off at the driveway to save my feet from the pain of the blisters with every step I took.

So here I am, a little deflated, tired and sore. I may never run in shorts again. But am I regretting it? Absolutely not. I had the courage to try it!! It may have been a total disaster, but I never want to be the person who doesn't do something because they are scared or worried about what people think. Once you let go of that, amazing things happen. Sure, it was not my finest moment, but I learned something important today. I need to work harder to one day run in shorts without my very own cheer squad. I CAN run....fast even. And I now need to take it easy for a couple day and let my wounds heal....physical and otherwise. :)

What I know for sure.

In this crazy life I call my own, there is a lot of chaos and uncertainty. This is what I know for sure.

• Clean glasses are important! And hard to achieve. 
• Finding a pile of red glitter in my closet makes me smile.
• The theme song from "Ghostbusters" will never get old, as long as its coming from my four year old. 
• Dancing makes me sooooo happy! The fact that I get to choreograph and teach 15 songs for February excites me!
• I love cake and there is no way no how I will ever stop eating cake.
• Boys are crazy. Like when my son took a flying leap off the top bunk bed. Come to think of it, they have both done that.
• Crazy boys grow into crazy men. Like when I caught them running the excavator in the shop.
• My hair and I have a love hate relationship.
• Clean floors in bare feet feels so good.
• I feel like I am failing as a mom. That comes with the territory, and in fact, I'm not at all.
• You never know what you are teaching someone, or what a little person will remember, so always be kind....even when you want to kill them!
• A good workout cures all! Or at least temporarily numbs it. 
• My friends are important to me. They have gotten me through a great deal this year and without them, I would have gone crazy a long time ago. 
• My sister and her husband are the coolest couple I know. Magical things happen when I visit them and I miss them a lot.
• When you don't see family for a long time, seeing them again is like no time ever passed. And you can hug them, hugs are good for the soul.
• Making gluten free food, like bread and battered fish, makes me feel victorious!!
• Using a weed eater makes me feel bad ass.....so does filleting a fish.
• My bucket list seems to be growing faster than I can cross stuff off. But it sure is fun!
• I still fear deep water and heights, but I challenge it every chance I get. 
•   I can eat a pound of fudge and not hate myself.
• Cheese and jalapeños were born to be together. Same with bacon and....anything really.
• I'm curvy and I like it!
• My husband loves me even though I drive him crazy sometimes. And even though he complains about boot camp taking up space in his shop, I know he wouldn't have it any other way.
• Sometimes I wish I could have a bath and a glass of wine in the middle of the day....in a sound proof room.
• There is always that one song. The song that brings me back to a moment in time I will always remember.

Goodbye

       Grief can do many things. When someone we care about passes, it's the last thing we think about at night and the first thing on your mind in the morning. Their voice repeats over in your head, you remember all the good times, you laugh, you cry and you wish for one last moment. One last time together to make sure they know how much you mean to them. One moment to hug them, care for them, and let them know they are truly loved. My memories of my Aunt Ruth were only good ones. She was the one who taught me what it is to be a great hostess. She always had every detail taken care of and at Christmas, she always had the best oranges. (And let me have as many as I wanted, no matter what my mom would say.) She was the one who helped me discover a true love for Holiday baking. I remember the piles of goodies when we would visit for Christmas. I remember making chocolates and being so excited to make something so delicious with my own two little hands, no matter how ridiculous they looked. I remember going to the lake and staying up late by the fire, eating bacon and listening to country music.  When she came to visit, I remember waiting on the front deck, filled with such anticipation, to hear her come rumbling down the dirt road.  These are some of my happiest childhood memories.

       Ruth was an amazing person. She never complained, was always helpful and generous. She never put her needs before anyone. She always took the time to make sure you had what you needed and genuinely cared. Her voice and laugh were one of a kind, and will always be heard. She was the ultimate caregiver and was always willing to help with whatever job needed to be done.

       When someone dies, it is so hard to take because it is so final. How do you say goodbye to someone to left us too early? They say that when you die your energy lives on. I believe that. I believe that the best for her is yet to come, because she deserves to live on as a Queen. She will live on in the spring flowers, unexpected rainbows and morning sunlight. Her energy is all around us and will live on forever. And even though her body is no longer with us, her laugh and caring spirit will always be.

I don't care any more.

The older I get, the less I care about things.

I don't care that the kitchen is a mess. I don't care that a parcel I was supposed to mail 10 days ago, is still sitting on the table. I don't care that my son put rainbow stickers on my wall, took them off (leaving missing paint blobs) and put them back on again. I don't care that there is laundry in the washer since Monday (it's not wet so it should be ok) or that there is still a basket of clean laundry in my room....and the boys rooms. I don't care that I can't run very fast, and I don't care that there is a giant ass behind me. I don't care that my thighs will never fit into a size 6 or that I may never have abs that you can see. They are there, trust me! I don't care that I can't buy the latest i-phone, or go out for dinner once a week. I don't care that my kid screamed at me today. I don't care about the phone bill or the hydro bill. (But I do find it funny that my husband JUST gave me shit for leaving the lights on.) I don't care that I have to eat more beans instead of steak. I don't care that part of my family may never speak to me again.


It may sound harsh, but I just don't care any more. If I did, I would be missing out on all these amazing things that I really should care about.

Sure my kitchen is a mess, but that just means there were three great meals cooked there today, and my family has full bellies. The parcel will get mailed, no use stressing over something so silly. I cherish the marks on the walls, because they will always be a reminder of the little people...who as it turns out, are turning into big people right before my eyes. The laundry will wait, I am thankful to have so many clothes that it can be stacked into piles. I am grateful for the body I have and I work hard to keep it so amazing. Just because I am not a size 6, does not mean it is not beautiful. I am healthy, I CAN run, and that's all that matters. I care about the time I get to spend this summer as a family. My husband is home more and gets to watch our kids grow up. We get to sleep in on Monday's, take naps on Tuesday's and have meals together, every day of the week. That is worth more to me. I don't care that my kid screamed at me, because with every scream, there is an equally powerful hug. My boys are happy and healthy. They can tell me they love me, and even though some days I want to pull my hair out and scream at the top of my lungs, I am grateful for every peanut butter in the hair, clothes on backwards moment. There will always be bills and groceries will always need to be purchased. I am glad I am able to eat and put food on the table. I believe that family is what you make it. Blood isn't everything. I am so grateful for the family I have built around me. I know that my friends got my back, whether its a late night chocolate bar, a laugh, confirmation that I am doing the right things, to run beside me or just to be there.