S#!t My Family Says. Volume 2

This morning I was canning peaches with my kids and it prompted me to do another edition of "Shit My Family Says".  I will start with this mornings discussion.

1) Austin: "Mom can you give me a clean hand job?" (He was peeling the peaches and wanted a job that wouldn't get his hands dirty.)
Levi: "Austin, you can do the dishes, that is a clean hand job but careful of the soap, it can sometimes be a slippy hand job. You don't want my job, it's a sticky hand job." (It took every fiber of my being to keep from laughing.)

2) Levi: "Would you two just coopercate with each other?" (Arthur and I were arguing over something. I think he wanted us to cooperate... or communicate....)

3) Austin: "Mom I am not really cute. I would rather be called cool. That's ok with me."

4) Austin: "That's not my name you fool!" Said to the man in the cafeteria line up on the ferry. Austin was mistaken for Spiderman...since he was wearing the full suit.

5) Arthur: "Where is our bedspread?"
Me: "We don't have one... never have."
Arthur: "Yes, we have. Where is it?"
Me: "Ok, what colour is it?"
Arthur: (Long pause) "Bedspread colour."

6) Me to Levi: "We live in paradise."
Levi: "Mom, we aren't in Disneyland."

7) Austin: "Mom! Smell what was behind my ears!" (Oh the joy of living with boys.)

8) Austin: "Mom, I am NOT going in that cat pool." (Turns out he thought we were saying kitty pool and not kiddy pool.)

9) Levi: "Mom I was just checking my penis for cat hair." (um....)

10) Levi to Arthur: "Mom is like a polar bear. She is one of the most deadliest animals in the world."

11) Austin to Aunty Jen: "Aunty Jen, do you have crabs?" He was looking at her Pandora bracelet was wondered why there would be a crab on it.

12) Austin when I wanted him to have a shower: "Mom, I'm freaking clean!"

Loss

      Most days we go through life without a thought of its frailty. We wander through our days mad because our coffee order was wrong or angry with yourself because you forgot to take out the garbage. We get mad at husbands or kids, we work a million hours and we rush through life without a second thought of how fast it can be taken away. Most of us live each day consumed with all of the little things that we have going on that we tend to take the most important things for granted. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? When was the last time you truly enjoyed the view of a beautiful sunset?

 

     Today was a strange day. I was startled by something and instantly awake at 6am. I knew right away that something wasn't right. The air was thick and smelled like smoke. I popped my head out the open window and up to the orange sky. It was like a was looking at the world through orange coloured glasses. The ash that had been falling through the night still filled the air and the chorus of the morning birds were absent. The wildfire burning in Sechelt was making its presence known. Today I was fully aware. Aware of the danger we face, aware of the frailty of this land and the force of mother nature.

 

      For days my husband, a volunteer fireman, has been at the edge of his seat. Waiting for that call to action, he has been ready. Thousands of men and women across this province (and across Canada) have been working tirelessly to save our forests and homes. They are hero's. They put their lives aside and sacrifice for you and I. They work for hours in the heat and do very dangerous work, fighting to save the places that we call home. Today we lost a fighter. Not only did his family lose a father, a husband, a brother.. this community lost a hero. My heart was heavy and I felt sick to my stomach to hear the news. It hit too close to home. My husband called him a friend, a confidant and he was a great man. We have truly lost someone special. My heart breaks for his family, his co-workers, his friends, and everyone who knew him, for his warm smile will be missed by many. I wish there was something I could do for his family to somehow ease their pain. I find it so hard to wrap my head around this loss, it all feels so unreal. Like I will wake up tomorrow and it will all be a bad dream. If only it were that simple. Tonight I will hug my husband tighter. Tonight I will pray for and thank all those still fighting fires and I will pray for the family who lost such a shinning light today. My heart goes out to you.      

Owning fears.

     Fear. Its hiding in every one of us. It rears its ugly head at the most unexpected moments, stops us from doing fun things, and in some cases we pass on our fears to our kids. I am the first to tell you, I am afraid of many things, most of them irrational, like bouncy castles. But some fears are real and not uncommon, like my fear of deep water. I don't even know where it came from but it has always been with me. When my little ones were very young, I was worried that I was passing my fear onto them. Especially my youngest, who would always cling to me in the water. I knew that summer that I needed to change.

 

     So there I went, set out to overcome my fear. I knew it wouldn't be over night, it may even take years, but I was committed. The next time we went to the lake, I brought goggles. I spent half the day with my head in the water, just getting familiar with the underwater world. It really helped to make me feel more comfortable. There really wasn't anything scary down there. And lets face it, we are swimming in a lake in BC. There are no huge fish, sharks or whales...or anything big enough to take a bite out of me. Year after year, for the next three years, I worked at overcoming my fear. I talked myself into getting in for a swim off the boat, I jumped off the diving board at the pool and last year I got talked into tubing. I screamed the entire time.

 

     Today we went to the lake again and I knew that today was the day I would overcome. I would be able to cross something off my bucket list that I wasn't sure I ever would. "Own my fears" I waited until the end of the day, most people had already gone home and the lake was quiet. I took my lifejacket off and handed it to my husband and asked him to follow me in the boat...in case I couldn't make it. I set off on my swim. I swam 500 meters from the beach, across the water to a small island. It took me a while, I had to pause a couple times, but I did it!!! I finished, without panicking, I swam without help and I didn't die!! I can't tell you how it felt to touch the rocks of that island. I had overcome. I still feel proud and grateful to have done it. I share this victory with my friend Eli, who pushed me to face my fears every chance she got. Thank you!

 

 

Take a little time to relax.

    Over the past few months I have been making sure that I take the time to take care of myself, work less and really enjoy life. I am finding that its not always easy to do. Sometimes its just too easy to say "I will meditate tomorrow." Then tomorrow turns into next week and you find yourself wearing thin because you are no longer taking good care of yourself. This can especially be true in the summer time with BBQ's, birthdays, family dinners, and two busy little boys at home who often turn your living room into a wrestling ring. So today, without even a thought or a plan, I decided that we were all going to take some time out to relax. I jumped out of bed, packed a cooler full of fruit and snacks, and we headed to the beach without even having breakfast. I brought a book with every intention of reading while the kids played. And that I did. It was truly glorious. I felt so grateful in the moments after arriving. The air was warm and carried the fresh ocean breeze across my body as I sat with my toes in the cool sand. I read my book for almost two hours as the kids played in the sand and searched for crabs. I snacked on strawberries and felt the hot sun on my face. We ended the morning with a family swim in the cool ocean water and left at the perfect time, before the kids got too tired and sunburnt. It set the tone for the rest of the day. I could tell that the kids also felt the gratitude I was experiencing. We spent the rest of the day with happy smiles on our faces. I forgot how amazing it was to spend time like that. So carefree, no schedule, no plans, just fun.

 

 

 

Why I chose to medicate.

     Not that I feel like I owe anyone an explanation on this area of my life, but I am really tired of defending my choices. After a year of struggling with depression and anxiety, I made the decision to medicate. That was a month and a half ago and since then, my life has changed dramatically. I no longer sit in front of the tv and stare at nothing, I actually clean the kitchen counters, and I am starting to care about my body again. I can genuinely laugh when my kids are being silly, I can leave my house and go to a friends BBQ without sweating and picking at my nails, and I am even brushing my hair again. I did not know how bad things had gotten until I started to feel better. I have also been talking to friends about what I have been going through. Most people I talk to are very supportive and commend me for taking the huge step towards self care and a better life. There are some people who should just keep their mouth shut. It really bothers me when people say things like this:

 

"You should just stop thinking negative thoughts."

                                    "I was told that exercising twenty minutes a day is just as good as medication."

 

                 "Just be happy for what you have."

"Cut the negative people out of your life."

                                                                        "Just eat better and take care of yourself."

 

                 "Try yoga."                           

                                                              "Medication doesn't really do anything."

   "If you are medicated, you aren't really dealing with the real problem."

 

"I don't understand depression, just get over it."

 

      Until you have lived through it, you have no idea. Depression can hit anyone, any race, any sex at any moment in their life. Some don't even know what they are going through until they are so far down the rabbit hole they have no way of getting back. For me, I had tried all of the things you are supposed to try and I was just too tired to keep going. I was literally too tired to think a happy thought. Medication gave me the break in my head to have the ability to sleep, clear my head and be in control. Now I have the time and brain space to heal my wounds, process what I have gone through and become a better, stronger person. So if someone you know if suffering with depression or is on medication, please be careful with what you say unless you truly know what they are dealing with. Instead of offering your two cents, a simple hug will do.

 

 

  

The organic/non-GMO bandwagon.

Ignorance is bliss. I don't watch the news, I don't like to know who is at war, I don't want to know that my car is guzzling the last few drops of oil on the planet and I don't pay attention to what is in my food. If something important happens that I need to know about, Facebook will tell me. About four years ago I jumped on the gluten free bandwagon when I was diagnosed with celiac disease. This is when I started looking at what was in my food. Not because I was really concerned about it, but because I would suffer the wrath of gluten belly if I didn't. I was amazed at how many products had wheat in them, like milkshakes, chips, soy sauce, fake crab... the list goes on. I was not concerned about chemicals or GMO. 

 

Fast forward to a couple months ago. My husband was talking to a friend about Monsanto and the GMO uprising. I will admit that I knew what GMO stood for, but was so out of the loop that I didn't even know I was pronouncing Monsanto wrong. Anyway, he came home after that conversation all in a rage about what this company is doing. He was genuinely upset about the farmers and the fact that we were being served up this toxic cocktail without even knowing about it. After hearing him rant for about fifteen minutes, I stopped him and told him that if he really wanted to do something about it, we had to stop buying the products that support this mega giant. I went on to tell him that we would have to stop buying his favourite cereal, pop, chips...the list went on. Needless to say, it shut him up. But it got me thinking about what was really in our food. The more I researched, the more I was shocked at what I was eating on a daily basis. I could go on and on for days about the impact that GMO seeds are going to have on the future of this planet and our bodies. There is little to no research done on the long-term effects on our health, yet the amount of products that have GMOs in them is staggering. The top GMO crops in Canada and the USA are corn, canola, soy and sugar beets.  This means that cornflakes, cereals, anything with fructose, cornstarch, sugar, eggs, meats, canola oil, soy, or milk all have GMOs in them. And if you think the problem is worse in the USA, think again. 95% of canola crops of Canada are GMO.

 

The more my husband and I talked about it, the more he was on board and ready to change our lifestyle. He was more afraid of the price tag, since we are a low income family but I didn't care. I set out to make changes that were within out budget. We are a family of four and spend about $200 a week on groceries. We swapped out frozen juice for organic, our favourite chips for ones that are GMO free, we now enjoy organic GMO free cereals and we buy organic meat and produce whenever possible. There are some things that we just can't compromise on and I am ok with that. Like milk and eggs. (For now) Over the past month, our grocery bill has gone up only 20%. To me, that is a small price to pay. Because not only are we getting chemical free and GMO free foods, we are eating a lot healthier and wiser. We are really conscious of the amount of food we eat too. Instead of consuming four bags of chips a week, we only eat one of two. We buy a lot less ice cream and now make homemade popsicles.  And if you don't want to jump on the organic bandwagon, eat an organic carrot or banana! They are so good and actually taste like they are supposed to! I have also started gardening. My five year plan is to either grow or purchase locally, 80% of the produce we consume. Yes it takes time and effort, but its worth it in the long run. Growing my own food will save us lots of money in the future and I will be able to provide organic food that is free of chemicals to my growing family.  

 Thanks to my mother-in-law who planted raspberry bushes years ago, I now have two giant ziplock bags full or fresh picked organic berries in my freezer for my family to enjoy over the winter.

 

Do you know organic meats mean? I called a butcher to find out! It basically means that the animal is fed only organic grains. This means no GMOs. :)

 

I know that I live in a dream bubble here on the Sunshine Coast, where all of these changes are possible, but I believe the world is slowly shifting. Changes will be made, we just need to start opening our eyes to what is going on. We no longer live in a world where all food is safe, but there is hope with effort and education.

Taking care

Taking care of yourself. What does that even mean? Especially as a mom and wife.....

Over the past ten years I have been going, going, going. I kept so busy that I didn't even have time to think. Between being a mom of two busy boys and a self proclaimed "do it all junkie" I did not take the time for myself... never mind even pretend to know what that would look like. So here I am, one mental breakdown later, left with only myself to pick up the pieces. The past week I have been looking back, wondering how I can do things differently moving forward. First of all, I said I would take a whole year off and I am sticking to it. I will still run my business and I will still run my weekly bootcamps. I will not however, do much of anything else except perfect the art of self care.

Realizing that self care was needed in my life did not come overnight. Even just the words, "self care" were foreign to me. It made me think of selfishness. I was suffering from depression and anxiety attacks. (and would still be without the medication) I think these two go hand in hand. If you don't take care of your mind and body, it will fail you, you will suffer. They both also seem to follow the same stigma. Call it what you want, mental illness, depression, chronic fatigue.... They all get lumped into the category of things we don't talk about or acknowledge, along with self care. Yes, external factors were partly responsible for my mental breakdown, but I would not have gone as far down the rabbit hole if I were taking great care of myself.

I have come a long way in six months. I have learned to take time away from responsibilities, I have discovered the world of essential oils and the great things they can do, I have learned to meditate, be mindful and present, and I have learned that only I am responsible for the outcome of my life. I have an opportunity to either move forward with my past as part of me or let it control me. I chose life. I am learning that self care means more than just taking care of yourself. It means to let others do so as well. Realizing that I am worth the time of others is a huge step. I am worth a massage, I am worth a yoga class, I am worth the time and effort. It still sounds selfish to me, but my goal is to get over it. I believe my future depends on it. If I can't take care of myself, what sort of message and I sending my growing boys?? I would not want them to look at themselves the way I look at myself. Ever. And I know that if I am taken care of, I will be happier. I will be a better person to be around and be more focused for my growing family. So I leave you with this, you want a massage, a pedicure, a new book, a dinner out...? Whatever it is, treat yourself, because you are worth it. You, me, we are all worth the effort. No matter what you may be telling yourself.