Loss

      Most days we go through life without a thought of its frailty. We wander through our days mad because our coffee order was wrong or angry with yourself because you forgot to take out the garbage. We get mad at husbands or kids, we work a million hours and we rush through life without a second thought of how fast it can be taken away. Most of us live each day consumed with all of the little things that we have going on that we tend to take the most important things for granted. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? When was the last time you truly enjoyed the view of a beautiful sunset?

 

     Today was a strange day. I was startled by something and instantly awake at 6am. I knew right away that something wasn't right. The air was thick and smelled like smoke. I popped my head out the open window and up to the orange sky. It was like a was looking at the world through orange coloured glasses. The ash that had been falling through the night still filled the air and the chorus of the morning birds were absent. The wildfire burning in Sechelt was making its presence known. Today I was fully aware. Aware of the danger we face, aware of the frailty of this land and the force of mother nature.

 

      For days my husband, a volunteer fireman, has been at the edge of his seat. Waiting for that call to action, he has been ready. Thousands of men and women across this province (and across Canada) have been working tirelessly to save our forests and homes. They are hero's. They put their lives aside and sacrifice for you and I. They work for hours in the heat and do very dangerous work, fighting to save the places that we call home. Today we lost a fighter. Not only did his family lose a father, a husband, a brother.. this community lost a hero. My heart was heavy and I felt sick to my stomach to hear the news. It hit too close to home. My husband called him a friend, a confidant and he was a great man. We have truly lost someone special. My heart breaks for his family, his co-workers, his friends, and everyone who knew him, for his warm smile will be missed by many. I wish there was something I could do for his family to somehow ease their pain. I find it so hard to wrap my head around this loss, it all feels so unreal. Like I will wake up tomorrow and it will all be a bad dream. If only it were that simple. Tonight I will hug my husband tighter. Tonight I will pray for and thank all those still fighting fires and I will pray for the family who lost such a shinning light today. My heart goes out to you.      

Owning fears.

     Fear. Its hiding in every one of us. It rears its ugly head at the most unexpected moments, stops us from doing fun things, and in some cases we pass on our fears to our kids. I am the first to tell you, I am afraid of many things, most of them irrational, like bouncy castles. But some fears are real and not uncommon, like my fear of deep water. I don't even know where it came from but it has always been with me. When my little ones were very young, I was worried that I was passing my fear onto them. Especially my youngest, who would always cling to me in the water. I knew that summer that I needed to change.

 

     So there I went, set out to overcome my fear. I knew it wouldn't be over night, it may even take years, but I was committed. The next time we went to the lake, I brought goggles. I spent half the day with my head in the water, just getting familiar with the underwater world. It really helped to make me feel more comfortable. There really wasn't anything scary down there. And lets face it, we are swimming in a lake in BC. There are no huge fish, sharks or whales...or anything big enough to take a bite out of me. Year after year, for the next three years, I worked at overcoming my fear. I talked myself into getting in for a swim off the boat, I jumped off the diving board at the pool and last year I got talked into tubing. I screamed the entire time.

 

     Today we went to the lake again and I knew that today was the day I would overcome. I would be able to cross something off my bucket list that I wasn't sure I ever would. "Own my fears" I waited until the end of the day, most people had already gone home and the lake was quiet. I took my lifejacket off and handed it to my husband and asked him to follow me in the boat...in case I couldn't make it. I set off on my swim. I swam 500 meters from the beach, across the water to a small island. It took me a while, I had to pause a couple times, but I did it!!! I finished, without panicking, I swam without help and I didn't die!! I can't tell you how it felt to touch the rocks of that island. I had overcome. I still feel proud and grateful to have done it. I share this victory with my friend Eli, who pushed me to face my fears every chance she got. Thank you!