Birthday week revelation.

This past week was my birthday week. I spent the entire week doing fun things and relaxing, much like what you would do on a birthday. I spent time at the park with my family, ate ice cream, had a sushi lunch with friends, went shopping for a new outfit, had a fun night out in the city, shaved off some hair and coloured some of it pink, and spent a whole day eating cake and drinking coffee. I also learned something very important. Far too often, life gets in the way and we forget how to have fun. Why is it that only one week a year we get to do these fun things and do things that make us feel good?! (Some people only give themselves one day!)

     I am now 34. I have had a couple bad years. I have lost a lot of "friends", cut contact with my parents and become a different person. Over the past few months I have been really dwelling on those losses. The loss of what I thought were close friendships was a hard pill to swallow. Dealing with a mother who is mentally ill and requires me to cut off all contact is a weird and deep loss to maneuver through. And in the process I have lost myself. I feel like I am no longer the confident, strong, glitter throwing Dallas Glittertush. And for months this has pained me. I kept focusing on who I wasn't and who I no longer had in my life and why. I somehow failed to see the amazing opportunity in front of me.

     Its true, that all of those things are lost and will never come back. But I somehow failed to see all of the amazing friendships that have gotten so much stronger. Without those losses, I may never have found my true soul sisters. These two women mean more to me than they will ever know. And new friends have emerged. Since cutting off contact with my parents, my family has gotten closer than ever. I have a relationship with my Aunt that was never there before and it means to much to me. I have learned what it truly takes to be a great parent. As for loosing myself....

     The person I was is gone. The over achieving, party planner, cheerleader, do-it-all queen is gone, but will always be a part of me. Now I get to figure out who I really am. I get to start over. So in doing that, I am starting with doing something every day that makes me happy....forever! Forget about birthday week, its a re-birth year. Thirty four is the year of the remake, self discovery and fun. The person I will become will not ever be the same as before, but stronger somehow. I am excited to see what fun really is for me and what achievement for ME really looks like. I may never plan another event for as long as I live, and I may never run another race, but I promise myself I will find what drives me and it may just be doing crafts with the kids all day or gardening but that's ok.