A lesson in fitness

When I first started working out, my goal was to get thinner. Now two years later, it is way beyond that. I work out to get strong, fast, healthy and to love my body. I find great pride and confidence in doing something that I could not do last year, last month, or even yesterday. Things like running a half marathon, dancing in a burlesque show, running in a sports bra, and today, running in shorts. I have had the privilege of watching friends blossom into self confident women. I have seen them say things like "I am not a runner." and then watching them leap over the finish line at their first half marathon. I have seen women run slow and never quit, and pushing themselves to run their first 10km. I have seen these women, who now proudly run in sports bras and shorts, never give up and always be proud of their body. So as their leader, I could not sit on the sidelines and not join the "shorts club".

Yesterday, I said screw it! I am going to be confident, I am going to run in shorts and be proud! So, I spent $50 on a pair of real running shorts. Light weight fabric, sleek and fancy. I was stressed about the price tag, but I figured if I was going to buy shorts, I should buy the right kind for the job. I would in fact get a ton of use out of them....

So here I was this morning, ready for my first run in my new shorts. Sports bra-check, music-check, drank lots of water and had a good breakfast-check, runners-check, good attitude-CHECK, new shorts-CHECK! Off I went with my running parter, Captain. (our faithful dog) At first, it felt so good. Running without a care that I was practically naked and people were driving and walking past. It was in fact a beautiful sunny day and there were lots of people about. I ran leaping strides as Captain and I ran down the hill to the main road. I had run about a quarter of the way, when something very uncomfortable started to happen. My shorts began to ride up the crotch. Now if you know me at all, or have seen me in the Boudoir Rouge show, you know that my thighs are on the larger side. (I am not complaining, I love every part of my weird body.) They began their very own cheering squad, clapping together as I ran. That, combined with them ridding up, started to get a little painful when they rubbed together. (Yes, this is embarrassing. lol) I thought if I ran faster it might help. So there I was running for my life. I don't know if it was out of fear so people driving by didn't have the chance to see me or it just felt so damn good to run fast. Maybe a combination. That didn't really work. By now I am just over half way through my run. I thought that maybe if I ran with a little wider stance that might work! Give the girls a little more room to move past each other without high fiving every time. I MUST have looked like an idiot. And all it did was mess up my form. It wasn't long before I had a strained calf muscle and a blister on each foot. By now there is only a little more left to go before the solace of home sweet home. I could hardly walk, and my poor dog had to drag me the last little bit. I pathetically hobbled home, picking blackberries along the way. I took my shoes off at the driveway to save my feet from the pain of the blisters with every step I took.

So here I am, a little deflated, tired and sore. I may never run in shorts again. But am I regretting it? Absolutely not. I had the courage to try it!! It may have been a total disaster, but I never want to be the person who doesn't do something because they are scared or worried about what people think. Once you let go of that, amazing things happen. Sure, it was not my finest moment, but I learned something important today. I need to work harder to one day run in shorts without my very own cheer squad. I CAN run....fast even. And I now need to take it easy for a couple day and let my wounds heal....physical and otherwise. :)

What I know for sure.

In this crazy life I call my own, there is a lot of chaos and uncertainty. This is what I know for sure.

• Clean glasses are important! And hard to achieve. 
• Finding a pile of red glitter in my closet makes me smile.
• The theme song from "Ghostbusters" will never get old, as long as its coming from my four year old. 
• Dancing makes me sooooo happy! The fact that I get to choreograph and teach 15 songs for February excites me!
• I love cake and there is no way no how I will ever stop eating cake.
• Boys are crazy. Like when my son took a flying leap off the top bunk bed. Come to think of it, they have both done that.
• Crazy boys grow into crazy men. Like when I caught them running the excavator in the shop.
• My hair and I have a love hate relationship.
• Clean floors in bare feet feels so good.
• I feel like I am failing as a mom. That comes with the territory, and in fact, I'm not at all.
• You never know what you are teaching someone, or what a little person will remember, so always be kind....even when you want to kill them!
• A good workout cures all! Or at least temporarily numbs it. 
• My friends are important to me. They have gotten me through a great deal this year and without them, I would have gone crazy a long time ago. 
• My sister and her husband are the coolest couple I know. Magical things happen when I visit them and I miss them a lot.
• When you don't see family for a long time, seeing them again is like no time ever passed. And you can hug them, hugs are good for the soul.
• Making gluten free food, like bread and battered fish, makes me feel victorious!!
• Using a weed eater makes me feel bad ass.....so does filleting a fish.
• My bucket list seems to be growing faster than I can cross stuff off. But it sure is fun!
• I still fear deep water and heights, but I challenge it every chance I get. 
•   I can eat a pound of fudge and not hate myself.
• Cheese and jalapeños were born to be together. Same with bacon and....anything really.
• I'm curvy and I like it!
• My husband loves me even though I drive him crazy sometimes. And even though he complains about boot camp taking up space in his shop, I know he wouldn't have it any other way.
• Sometimes I wish I could have a bath and a glass of wine in the middle of the day....in a sound proof room.
• There is always that one song. The song that brings me back to a moment in time I will always remember.

Goodbye

       Grief can do many things. When someone we care about passes, it's the last thing we think about at night and the first thing on your mind in the morning. Their voice repeats over in your head, you remember all the good times, you laugh, you cry and you wish for one last moment. One last time together to make sure they know how much you mean to them. One moment to hug them, care for them, and let them know they are truly loved. My memories of my Aunt Ruth were only good ones. She was the one who taught me what it is to be a great hostess. She always had every detail taken care of and at Christmas, she always had the best oranges. (And let me have as many as I wanted, no matter what my mom would say.) She was the one who helped me discover a true love for Holiday baking. I remember the piles of goodies when we would visit for Christmas. I remember making chocolates and being so excited to make something so delicious with my own two little hands, no matter how ridiculous they looked. I remember going to the lake and staying up late by the fire, eating bacon and listening to country music.  When she came to visit, I remember waiting on the front deck, filled with such anticipation, to hear her come rumbling down the dirt road.  These are some of my happiest childhood memories.

       Ruth was an amazing person. She never complained, was always helpful and generous. She never put her needs before anyone. She always took the time to make sure you had what you needed and genuinely cared. Her voice and laugh were one of a kind, and will always be heard. She was the ultimate caregiver and was always willing to help with whatever job needed to be done.

       When someone dies, it is so hard to take because it is so final. How do you say goodbye to someone to left us too early? They say that when you die your energy lives on. I believe that. I believe that the best for her is yet to come, because she deserves to live on as a Queen. She will live on in the spring flowers, unexpected rainbows and morning sunlight. Her energy is all around us and will live on forever. And even though her body is no longer with us, her laugh and caring spirit will always be.