Seeing clearly.

 6 years ago I was a busy business owner, kid-less, and three days away from marrying the man of my dreams. My life was manageable, successful, and clear. My hard work was payed off with a bigger paycheck and I thought I had things figured out.

Fast forward to today, no longer a business owner, still married, and now with two boys, ages 3 and 5. For the past few years I have been struggling to adjust to my role as a "mom". I mean, lets face it. Who wants to work at a job where there is not real pay, the boss is noisy and whines all the time, throws tantrums at any given moment and pees in your bed??  It was very hard for me to go from business woman who was known in the community, to mommy. And every since my first born was old enough to crawl, I have been grasping at straws to get back to that. I needed to find success again. I worked for countless hours on plans do it. I would try something, and when that didn't work, I would try something else. I was too busy to realize that what I was doing, being a mom, is pretty amazing in itself. Again I was too focused on the goal to appreciate the journey. But today I have realized something and have changed the definition of success. Although choosing to raise a family is not everyone's choice, it was my choice. For now anyway, I am not that woman who wears heels to work, or drives a nice car, (or even a clean car for that matter) I don't own flashy things, I don't get sales awards, and I don't get to live a carefree lifestyle. But as my kids get older, they teach me more about life, and that is something that is hard to learn from just any job. They are teaching me to be patient, content, and I am learning the real value of life. The value of a warm bed and cute little voices in the morning, the value of the love I feel at the end of a hard day, stepping on a LEGO is ok because it means my kids are playing, and knowing that no matter what, this little family loves me. I am so grateful to have them in my life, today more than ever. There is no other person in the world who knows me like my husband does and I think that's pretty cool. We have made a home for ourselves and I somehow failed to recognize that as a job well done. Together we have made so many decisions about the kids and life in general, and have not once come close to killing each other. And even though there are no awards for that (sometimes there should be) I can appreciate the accomplishment.

So for now, I may be giving up dreams or just putting them on hold, only to realize new ones.