Apology

Apology: a written or spoken expression of one's regret, remorse, or sorrow for having insulted, failed, injured, or wronged another.

Here are some of mine, in no particular order:

• I would like a apologize to my uterus.  I would imagine that it is so angry because it was forced housed not one, but two kicking and feeding parasites within three years.  Since then, things between us have never been the same.
• I would like to apologize to my husband for blaming him for the missing M&M's my son got for his birthday.  I had inhaled them the night before and when he stood in front of me, wide-eyed, looking for answers, "Daddy did it." just came blurting out.
• I would like to apologize to my former "thin" self, for ever thinking I was fat. This is fat...and that's not even saying much, since I have slimmed down a lot. 
• I would like to apologize to all my friends in high school for always being the nerdy/cautious/paranoid one. 
• I would like to apologize to my boobs. I did not appreciate them when I had them, and now someone has taken them and replaced them with something that sort of looks like boobs, but are really pancakes. 
• I would like to apologize to my sister for always bribing her to do things, with no intention of fulfilling my obligation.
• I would like to apologize to my first born for never letting him do anything fun as an infant for fear that he might die. 
• I would like to apologize to anyone who has witnessed my hormones on overdrive. This covers a lot of people, especially since I was pregnant... twice. 
• I would like to apologize to my parents for having to move back in with them when I was 24.
• I would like to apologize in advance to my kids, for yelling at them, grounding them, stalking them, reading text messages from girls, and all around harassment and/or embarrassment.