Family

I don't normally get too worked up or stressed out. I try not to sweat the small stuff and I usually just let it go. I don't hold on to grudges and I am willing to forgive and forget. And if I can't work something out, I write about it and forget it. This time, I don't even know where to start....

Someone close to me has betrayed me. A betrayal that is unforgivable and has been haunting me. It's not at all like me to cut ties with someone, but when you threaten my family, I will not get over that. A lifetime of questions have arrised, I wonder what I missed or am yet to find out. It has been eating me alive. I don't know what is bothering me more, the deed that has already been done or the imminent fallout to come. At first, I was raging mad, then I was angry, indifferent, sad, and guilty. Now I can't sleep, and when I do, I dream about it. The stress is coming out in physical ways, like a cold, pulled muscle and a pinch in my shoulder. I think it's time I learn to meditate!

If someone you knew made you feel like this, would you keep them in your life? I feel the need to protect my kids and my husband. If that means forgoing one relationship, I will. People have told me that I have to find a way to live peacefully with this person. Why? Life is too short, and I know that more than anyone. My men are the most important thing to me. But not only that, what about my sanity... Do I want to spend the rest of my life walking on eggshells, worrying about they might do, or what they are telling my kids?  Why do I need to swallow it down and move on?

And the answer is, I don't. I did not make the bad decisions that resulted in this outcome. It will take me a while to get over it, and in fact I may never get over it. But one day I will be glad I made this decision. My husband is the best person for me. He will always be on my side, protect me and love me...unconditionally. And the same goes for my two boys. They are all I need in this world. <3